“Always know what and how much the other person has been drinking before entering a pissing contest.” – Old proverb
A story
I heard an interesting story this week about someone who admits to rarely knowing any answer in their field but tells people to leave it with them because they know best and will sort it out. They then spend much of their free time seeking out the answer, researching best practices, and—from what I am told—subsequently doing a bang-up job. This blows my mind—maybe it’s my neurodivergent lens, but I can’t imagine doing the same.
I've been thinking a lot about confidence vs. competence– Confidence is the assurance in one’s ability, and competence is one's actual skill level. Moreover, I've been thinking about the damage overconfidence can do when feigning competence or outright ignoring the need for competence. Some of you may know this as the Dunning–Kruger effect. Where this misplaced confidence can lead to potential errors, missed learning opportunities, and misguiding others.
When you don't know the answer to something, do you:
Which of these is your most common reaction, and how has it served you?
When have you seen this blow-up?
How have you helped coach others?
When I shared this on LinkedIn, I received the comment I always hope to receive: true insight, perspective, and cutting through the bologna.
An acquaintance highlights that sometimes you have to feign confidence, knowing full well the damage you could cause by doing so because the environment you're in feels unsafe to do anything but. Psychological safety can vary between teams or even tasks, making people feel confident in some areas but fearful in others.
I can definitely understand and empathize with this, but I still don't think I could do or condone it. Again, I think my neurodivergence and justice sensitivity are biasing my opinion here. Still, I feel like the problem only persists if we don't stand for honesty and truth and act with integrity.
If you feel you're in a place where it's not safe to fail, how should you handle things?
An example that works for me is a mixture of vulnerability and initiative:
"Transparently, I don't have a lot of experience with that, but if you give me a couple of days I think I can figure it out..."
Or:
"I don't have a lot of time right now unless you want me to let go of X, Y, and Z. If you want me to try and deliver on that, it will not be very good quality. Would you like me to let go of these other tasks?"
I encourage you to document these things and attempt to communicate in open forums when possible. The hope here is the leaders and colleagues you work with will be able to identify with the risks you outline, empathize with the positive behaviour and growth mindset you exhibit, as well as become accountable for forcing your hand toward riskier tasks, less growth, and becoming a "yes" person instead of a critically thinking value-provider.
Navigating confidence and competence in unsafe environments is a complex dance. But by leaning into honesty and small acts of vulnerability, you can protect your integrity and growth—and perhaps inspire a culture where others can do the same. We must unite people when faced with adverse contexts or leadership instead of going with the flow.